The Insiders Guide to SDC
how to use SDC and how to complete your profile
Your inbox, and filling in your basic profile
Get started with creating your profile
1. What will you see in your SDC inbox ?
On the first day, most people will see a few messages in their inbox –
1. A welcome message from SDC
2. A message showing any new people that have joined recently that are in your area and that match your search criteria. (called ´latest search matches´ – this will automatically appear in your inbox every few days)
3. Travel plans of people who are coming to your area and their dates
4. Possibly the occasional ´hello´ message from people that have received an alert that a new member has joined in their area.
2. Things to do to develop your profile
We will give you tasks to do every few days to develop your profile and make it appealing to other members. Today it is about getting a feel for the website and setting up the basics of your account.
- Take a look at lots of profiles and see what you like and what you don´t like. What have people written, what type of photos are they showing, what groups are they members of, etc, etc. (Do be aware that as a trial member you can only see only the first photo of all the profiles – full members can see all the photos on profiles).
- If you are a single guy, look at the profiles of other single guys and see what they have written and what works.
- Go into settings (the cog symbol in the top right corner) and adjust all the settings to suit your needs. Look in privacy and decide if you want to let people know that you have looked at their profile. Look at notifications and see how much you want to receive in your inbox – probably say yes to most things in the beginning & then calm it down later once you see what is useful.
- Look at who is in your area, and also who is online – you will find that some members are much more active than others.
Information / Statistics / Likes
There is not a lot to say about this except fill in as much information as you want. You don´t have to disclose anything in particular. Also, there is generally a ´prefer not to say´ option on many sections and many people use it. Give details on all the usual things that people would want to know – height, weight, hair colour, build, smoker / non-smoker, etc.
Age is obviously an interesting one here and many people seem to knock off a couple of years just to appear a little younger. HOWEVER, you need to look like whatever age you put on the profile – it´s no good being 50 and putting 30 on the profile. In the long run nobody is likely to meet you and then say ít´s ok that you lied by 20 years. This is a hobby built on trust, openness, and honesty (both between a couple and between one couple and another).
One definite suggestion, in these days of identity theft etc, is to move your birthday by a couple of days so it´s not your real one.
Likes & fetishes
There is a big list of options about what you like so you can have good fun working out the full list (and what you are prepared to admit to ! ) Do be honest because there is not much that shocks this community, and you may well find kindred spirits that like the same things.
One item that seems to cause quite a lot of discussion on the blogs is bi-sexuality. You will find that the majority of women on SDC have an interest in other women to a greater or lesser extent – it was something that surprised us with how common it was. The easiest path for your own relationship is to be honest. If you are a man, don’t put on the profile that your wife is bi-curious if she isn’t – even if you would like her to be! It will only create more interest than she can handle. Take baby steps and do it together.
For men, bi-sexuality is not put on a profile very often at all ! Be truthful & if you are bi-curious put it on your profile. Whilst you will find that men often write on the profile that they will not be put off if a man’s hand strays unintentionally in the dark, several couples have complained that they meet another couple where the man is ´straight´ and then find that he is more interested than he should be with the other man.
See the list of terms / abbreviations / acronyms here. You can identify yourselves and also what you are looking for in others. This is used in various parts of the sites to allow you to search for people that match what you are looking for. The two main descriptions to get right are Soft Swap Couple and Full Swap Couple. Soft swap would include most activities, but not actual penetration. A full swap couple is happy to have penetrative sex with other couples (but also may not, for example, want to kiss them ! )
This is where you really get to be yourself ! Be honest about what you want & what you like and write in your own style.
Look at lots of other profiles and see what interests you, how people have written things, etc. No one style works for everybody, and we look at the words in order to try and see what sort of character you might be. Personally, we like people that make an effort so a one line description is probably not going to be a good fit for us. Other people think a 10 paragraph description is just waffle & a waste of time.
Once you sign up to a full (paid) membership of SDC we are happy to have a quick look at your profile and give you some feedback from an experienced user of SDC. So, if you would like to take advantage, send us a quick email to [email protected] with your profile name. Remember we usually only get to see your link if you alert us and are signed up as a paid member.
In another of the setup screens (top tight of the screen) you can set your location. You can actually set two locations if you are based in two places. Or if you are going away on holiday and want to receive notifications about who is in your area, you can set a second location temporarily. We have also written a blog post about how to use SDC for travel.
Creating Sexy Pictures
3. The 10 (hidden) Golden Rules for Best Swinger Profile Pictures
Whether we like it or not, swinging is an image based hobby, and there are some general rules about what images to post ! Having said that, we admit ourselves that the more mature swingers in our me time you time group think they understand more about a couple by reading their words, rather than the photos that they post. These guidelines generally apply to both swinging couples and swinging singles.
1. Show recent images
The number of people that post pictures that are out of date is incredible. We would all love to be 10 years younger, but at some point you are going to get found out. We’ve heard people say that when a couple arrives at a date, and it’s obvious that they have misleadingly posted photos from their youth, they simply leave ! By all means put up flattering photos, however, you don´t need to show all the bad bits. There should be some link to reality.
2. Tidy up
Before you take the photo, check the background ! In the background of photos we have seen piles of washing, DIY projects, washing up, etc, etc. You don´t need a film set, but just make sure it looks at least clean & tidy. We hate to say it, but serious swingers do look at the scene to see if it belongs to someone they would like to get to know.
3. Share the limelight
If you are a couple, include both of you. It´s not that complicated !! We all know that women tend to look better than men (apparently!), but missing the man completely while showing 58 photos of the lovely lady – this just sets alarm bells ringing. The first problem is that there is an assumption is that the man must be some sort of ugly, fat, old, badly dressed beast. The female half of a couple reading about you would really like to see what the man looks like too, so that she can decide if she likes him.
4. Less is more
You also don´t have to have a set of swinging porn pictures that look like a gynaecological text book. Because we all know what they look like, and whilst it is certainly of interest, a couple of images are probably enough. On the blogs, women in particular, have said that they do not need to see a close up shot of a cock in a profile. Neither do they need an overload of other women’s bits. Men, on the other hand, never seem to tire of looking at naked women´s bodies ! Having said all that, there are plenty of people out there that want to post these pictures, and also plenty that want to view them. So, what we are saying is that what you put out is what you will get back. So make sure that is the match you want to attract.
5. Swinger photos don´t all have to be naughty
A few photos of you in the countryside, or on a boat, on holiday, etc help to give a little flavour about who you are and what you like. While people are not looking for new best friends on SDC, they often want people who have something in common, so clothed photos that reflect who you are, are always interesting to see. On the subject of location though, if you are into something specific, like beach swinging, or if you are looking for other caravan swingers for example, then post pictures of you on the beach or swinging in a caravan ! If you just want a bit of fun, then post pictures of yourselves just having a bit of fun.
6. Avoid showing your faces
Unless you are happy for any new profile visitor to see them of course. Stickers, masks over faces, blurs, etc are all fine – people understand. Remember that it is easy to become a trial member (it´s free !), and the default setting is that these trial members can see your first photo (but not any other photos) unless you change that setting on your profile. So don’t forget to check your profile settings. Of course, if you are out & proud as a swinger, then by all means embrace it and show your gorgeous faces. If you’re not, then there are private albums where you can keep face photos, and this is password protected. By the way, an awful lot of full time members have privacy settings that don’t allow trial members to see their pictures. However you need to sign up properly ( i.e. pay !) to get any further and see all the images in a profile. We would suggest signing up for 3 months (about £40) . It won’t break the bank and of course we know it´s worth it ( and so are you !). Currently there is also a double time bonus where your 3 months is automatically extended to 6 months
7. How many swinger pictures to show?
5 to 15 images is probably plenty. Showing 200 photos can be a bit overwhelming, especially when there are 10 from one location, 25 from another (in the same dress), etc. Yes, when it’s this number, it is usually of the lady only. The pictures are meant to highlight what you look like, so think of them like your holiday snaps… pick out the best few and people will be very happy with that.
8. Be selective with swinger niches
For example, if you have only 5 photos and two of them show you tied up during a BDSM session, people do not know if you are a massive BDSM fan and it is really important to you, or, whether they were just two great photos that you love but you only get tied up once a year on your birthday ! Same thing for girl-on-girl photos. If you are not very bi-sexual, then don´t have 70% of your photos showing you kissing women.
9. Pick your main picture carefully.
People often keep the same main picture for a long time and they become very recognisable if you are on SDC every few days looking through galleries of speed dates, travel plans, etc. We all recognise certain main images and they sort of become ´your´ image.
10. Private albums
You can create several private albums. Most people have a private album that shows their faces, and they have a password that they can send if somebody requests it. You can also have an album for a specific niche like, location, specific sexual interest like BDSM, year the pictures were taken, etc.
4. How to take great sexy pictures
In advance – treat yourselves. Then maybe make it a gift on the day of the pictures to make an ever-lasting event of it. Get the champagne and strawberries in and set aside enough time.
Some people use professional photographers. It’s not always an option though, and to be honest when we have seen the same poses in same studios with same props it kind of loses impact. If you do have professional pix, don’t use too many and intersperse with plenty of spontaneous, natural ones. That’s why holiday pix , i.e. sexy holiday pix, also work well.
It really does get the best pictures when you are having fun. So get creative, and in the mood, by choosing a good time when you can both relax and have a giggle ( and some serious sexy time) doing it. Set the scene with sounds and smells and props that lay a great foundation to getting the most sexy you.
Contacting People and travelling
saying hello, travelling with SDC, speed dating, & parties
5. Different ways to say ´Hello !´on SDC
1. I looked at your profile… ssshhhh
This is the mildest of little nudges, winks, raised eyebrows, etc. If you have set your profile to tell people that you have looked at their profiles (settings / privacy), then they will see on their Viewed Me tab (in the Contact section on the left side of the screen) that you looked at their profile. Many people will have a quick return look at the profile of people who have looked at them.
If you mark a profile with the ´remembered´ button then they will receive a notification that you remembered them. It won´t tell them if you simply marked them as remembered so that you can show your partner later, or that you remembered them to send a little hello their way.
Now we are getting somewhere. You are not declaring your undying love but just saying you like their profile. Some people use this just to show their appreciation for a beautiful set of images or for a well written or funny profile – your like might come from 5000 miles away in Rio, but they still liked what they saw. But generally a like is a significant interest from somebody and if you look at their profile & hit the ´like´ button on their profile, you will both get a message saying that ´you have a Like match´ and encouraging you to write a message to say hello.
Either you saw a profile that you really like, or you had a ´like match´ and were encouraged to write, or you are just feeling confident and proud of your new profile… whatever the reason a well written email always brings a smile to the face of the recipient. Make it personal, make it interesting, make it respectful and hopefully you will get a lovely reply. You can see if somebody had read your mail if you go to Options (from within the mail section) and pick Sent Mail History. But don´t be dismayed if they read it and you hear nothing. Some people can take their time replying – they may just be leading a busy life. In any case, take that as a no for now & move on. Opinions are split on SDC – some people feel you should always answer, even if it is a no, with a polite thanks but no thanks. Others feel that an uninvited email is like junk mail and there is no need to answer at all. Either way, if they were interested they would have replied … so it´s time to move on.
VERY IMPORTANT… Read their profile… carefully !
If they do not want to hear from single men and you are a single man, then don´t bother irritating them with an uninvited email. If they only like black guys and you are white, same thing. If they… you get the picture ! Read their profile carefully and from top to bottom – a common complaint is that a lot of people don´t read the profile, they just look at the images, and then write a crude, one line message offering to “sort out your wife” ! Have a guess how far that usually gets them…
6. Travel plans – yours, and other people´s
The travel section of SDC is widely used and it´s one of the main features that makes SDC stand out from the more ´domestic´ websites that serve their home countries ( like Fabswingers in the UK, Body Contact in Sweden, etc). Firstly we will look at people who are coming to your own area.
1. Inbound travellers (coming to a town near you…)
In your inbox, you will receive a notifications titled, for example, ´Travel Plans on Dates 15 May to 20 May´ and a picture of the profile it relates to. This means that a member has posted on SDC that they are travelling and if it is in your general area (not sure how close, but looks like about 20 miles) then you are notified that they are heading your way. This message is sent to everybody in that area, so don´t get too excited – it is not specially for you, but it is a couple that are travelling to a new area where they don´t know people and are looking to meet up. Click on their profile pic, look at the bottom of their profile and you will see their travel plan where they say exactly where they are visiting and what they are looking for. If you think it is a good fit… write and say hello.
You can turn these travel notifications on or off in the settings (cog) / notifications section of the site.
You can also go to the main Explore section of the website and click on Travel Plans and see the whole list of people coming to your area. It is sorted by distance & by date, but it can be confusing at the beginning. So if you are in London, there may be 3 profiles coming to your area that are staying one mile away from you – it will show the couple coming next week, then the couple coming next month, and then the couple coming in 3 months. If there is a couple that are visiting tomorrow, but the location is two miles away from you, then they will be 4th on the list because you are now looking at couples more than one mile away. You can filter this page by clicking on Options (top right) and see couples, females, or males.
2. Outbound travellers (you are going out into the big wide world…)
The opposite situation is where you are going to be away on holiday, or having a naughty weekend, or whatever, and you would like to meet people while you are away.
You can post your own travel plan that will be sent to all the people in your destination city (assuming they have that notification turned on – most people do seem to have it set to ´yes´). To create a travel plan, go to the main Explore section on the left side of the screen, pick Travel Calendar, and in the top right of your screen is the Options button (with three vertical dots). Click on this and select Post Travel Plan and you will need to put in your destination and up to 250 characters about what you are looking for. Have a look at other people´s travel plans to see the sort of thing that they write, but it is usually things like ´In London for a long weekend & looking to meet sophisticated couples for a drink and dinner & hopefully a whole lot more xx´.
Do take care to get the travel plan correct the first time (if possible). Sometimes the same travel plan is sent out 4 or 5 times as people correct dates, change the wording, etc & nobody much wants to get 5 travel plans from the same person – if you are going to a popular place like London, New York, or Cap d´Agde etc then your mail attempts are all being sent to hundreds (possibly thousands) of people.
7. Speed dating
While travel plans can be entered months and even years ahead, speed dating is used by people for arranging meetings in the next couple of weeks. Go to the Explore section and click on Speed Dating and you will see all the people that are interested in meeting in your area in the next 2 weeks. You can filter it by distance and by date, and people will generally put up a small piece of text saying what they are looking for. Using the Options button (top right) you can filter by couples, women, and men and you can also tick the ´Latest´ button and it will sort the list into the newest dates first so you can see any new posts that have arrived recently.
If you unexpectedly find yourself free on a Saturday night, you can put up a speed date and see if anybody else is also free & interested in meeting up. Just go into the Speed Dating option, hit new, and fill in the details. In some countries, this is a very heavily used feature – the Netherlands loves it – but in other places it is a little bit more hit & miss. But it takes about one minute to fill in the details and who knows where it might lead.
8. Parties and Clubs
In the Explore section is an item called Parties / Clubs where you can see all the events happening in your area. You can see commercial club nights, and also private parties held by individuals. There are guest lists shown so that you can see who is going, but do bear in mind that many of these public parties do not require payment up front so although a couple may say they are going to a party on Saturday, they may not actually turn up ! Guest lists can still be a good way to get in touch and introduce yourself to a couple before the party, saying that you hope to say hello if you see each other at the party.
For private parties, people have very kindly arranged an event so please do turn up if you say you are going to turn up, and if you can´t go, then let them know. The swinging world has very good communication between its members and if you keep not turning up to events that you said you would attend, you may find your invitations drying up.
What happens next… ?
can I become a full member ?
9. What happens at the end of my trial period ?
1. Can I continue to be able to contact members ?
If you do not pay to join, you can no longer contact anybody (even those that want to hear from trial members) – effectively you become a passive member and you have to cross your fingers and hope that people contact you. They probably won’t. Even if they write to you, you can´t reply to them !
2. You have full access to the chatrooms
As a trial member you can only watch, but as a full member you get to participate in the fun.
3. Can I give validations ?
Validations can be very important to most members because they like to know a profile is genuine and that other members are happy to recommend them.
They can say anything from ‘this person exists’ to something much more appealing and personal. They are read by everyone to give an idea of what you are like in real life, rather than just having the written detail on your own advertising profile !
As full members we do get to see a validation before it’s published, and can decide to accept it or not. As a trial member we believe you can receive validations, but most people like to receive a validation in return if they write one for somebody else. Like most things as a trial member though, you cannot give one until you become full member.
4. Can I ‘friend’ other members ?
Friends can mean different things to different people.
Some people use ‘Friends’ as a lighter way of giving a validation.
It’s lovely to have a group of friends, as you get alerted when friends are doing anything ( putting new photos up, going to an event etc ).
You can get a friend request out of the blue. Some people don’t want to be friends with anyone they haven’t physically met, and some people don’t want too many friends.
As a trial member you can ‘like’ somebody, but you can’t add a ‘friend’ unless you’re a full member !
5. Can I still update my profile ?
Once you stop the trial, you cannot make any changes to your profile so it becomes increasingly out of date.
6. Instant Messenger
As a trial member you cannot send IM messages to other members, but as a full member you can send and receive IM messages.
7. Posting in Blog section
You will be able to participate in the blog posts and this is seen by thousands of members around the world. It is a way to contribute to the community, to raise your profile, and to generally join in and develop with the active people.
8. When can I see all profile pictures ?
As a trial member, you are restricted to seeing only the first photo on a profile (and even that is not allowed if the person blocks trial members from seeing their photos). As a full member you get to see all the images that are in the public albums.
9. No more “Trial Member” status !
You get to escape the “no trial members” filter that so many couples have set up in their profiles to block trial members from contacting them. ( Here at metimeyoutime we all have them on I’m afraid ! ) There are so many members inside SDC that are paying members, have verifications from other members, have lots of friends, etc and people generally don´t see the need to take a risk on a new person that has paid nothing, has no reputation or history & no verifications. It’s an assumption that you are not serious yet about swinging, maybe just curious, or worse – just being nosey !
Becoming a paid up member makes people far more enthusiastic about contacting you or responding when you contact them.
Trial membership leads to full membership
… but why is FULL membership so important ?
Be ACTIVE, not passive
As a full member, you are in control and you can contact who you want and enjoy seeking out the members that interest you. Trial members cannot initiate any contact.
Be seen by ALL members
Full members can see all the other members, and all of their photos. (Many of the full members have chosen to block trial members from seeing their profiles. Also trial members can only ever see the 1st photo of a profile)
Gain CREDIBILITY as a full member
As a full member, you are treated as part of the community by the other full members. SDC is about trust, and full members often feel that trial members have not earned that trust yet.
Be more SUCCESSFUL
Just like in regular dating, the more brave you are the more successful you are – it helps if you make contact with others. But trial members cannot contact full members & they must wait to be contacted. (You can reply if they contact you first, but unless you look like Mr & Mrs Clooney then good luck with that one !)
“DOUBLE TIME” OFFER !
Now you have signed up for the 20 day trial period, look out for an email offering you a “double time” bonus.
This bonus means that if you pay for one month, you will get another month of full membership absolutely free. The same goes for 3 months – buy 3 months and get 3 more months free … all the way up to 12 months ! Just click on the link and the time is doubled as soon as your payment is made.
THIS IS A ONCE IN A LIFETIME OFFER
FULL MEMBERSHIP PRICES FOR SDC
( INCLUDES A 20 DAY FREE TRIAL )
1 month Full Membership £17.95 ( $24.95 )
3 months Full Membership £12.32 /mth ( $16.65 ) *BESTVALUE*
“3 months ( plus your free extra 3 months) gives you enough time to really make the most of SDC and try out the swinging lifestyle. Time goes quickly and you will be learning a lot at the beginning – so the 3 month membership has a good price and is a good length of time”…. MTYT
Paid as one payment of £36.95 ( or $49.95 )
6 months Full Membership £9.49 /mth ( $13.33 )
Paid as one payment of £56.95 ( or $79.95 )
12 months Full Membership £7.25 /mth ( $10.00 )
Paid as one payment of £86.95 (or $119.95 )
Lifetime Full Membership £199.95 ( $250 )
Pay £199.95 once ($250) & never pay a penny ever again !
2 cups of coffee a month... or... unlimited sex ???
Full membership of SDC costs from £7.25 per month – about the cost of two coffees from Starbucks. Which treat would give you more pleasure ?
(If the coffee is the bigger turn on… then you may be on the wrong website!)