The swinging lifestyle
None of us ever like that word ‘swinging’ or wife-swapping’. It’s an old fashioned term that just doesn’t explain what the swinging life-style is about any more. It’s no longer a 1970’s wife swapping lifestyle, nor is it a wife-lending culture that you might still find in some countries. It’s not a dirty smutty activity that many think it is.
Sensual, erotic, liberal living – the dream lifestyle.
It covers a wide variety of liberally thinking people from some the mildy open, to the downright kinky, and the sensually erotic. By opening up your main relationship to include experiences with other people, you get to learn and grow both physically and mentally as a human being.
What is swinging ?
It is no longer what used to be called a ´deviant´ sexual activity, it is now simply a lifestyle choice. Swinging, a.k.a. swapping or sharing, is usually where a couple decide to open up their relationship with the full consent & knowledge of the other partner. The couple are able to have a more open and sexual contact with other people. This could range from simple flirting, kissing and soft touching, up to full sex and even full friendships or relationships outside of sex.
It can be initiated from within a marriage or within a long term relationship. It has traditionally been a ‘hobby’ with more mature relationships, but is also now opening up to younger people and to shorter-term relationships. (We have written a blog post called What is Swinging ).
It’s important to remember that any swinging sexual activity is considered as recreational sex only and should not affect the primary relationship of the couple. Millions of people are swinging, so read on to see why !
Swinging – being on the scene
Yes, yet another term that’s used for a libertine or swinging lifestyle – ‘being on the scene’.
Why ? Probably because it’s really is good to look at this activity like a scene in your life, a scene of a play, or an enactment of your fantasies.
Whilst we don’t have to make this the be all and end all of our existence, it’s important to give it our full attention when on the scene.
What is it like to be a swinger ?
Exploring our mental boundaries is good for the mind. Satisfying our sexual fantasies is great for the spirit. And, we do find that grounding ourselves through our most basic, sexual desires is actually good for the body.
It can be a tricky path to do all this – knowingly, safely, and with confidence. metime youtime is written by a contributing group of people with experiences at various stages in this lifestyle. You will find people like us in this world very open and positive. Smilers, that just love life.
Already in adult Narnia, we are able to help you to navigate your way there too !
The thing is, if you met all of us, we couldn’t be more different ! You would never guess our sexual fantasies, or how we live our lives. We have the same feeling when we meet others in this very diverse, and now quite mainstream, world. We are all individuals, from modern nudists to full-on fantasy living, and the idea is simply that we allow it. No judging, just happy living in the moment, and boy does the universe then provide what we need and wish for !
8 great reasons to swing
There are so many reasons that people look to start swinging, but here are a few that spring to mind.
1. The freedom to try out sexual activities that your partner may not want to do, with no strings attached
2. It can strengthen your relationship because you learn to communicate so well
3. It can put a spark back into a long term relationship
4. Live out your fantasies in a safe community
5. Learn new things you can then try out together
6. Human beings are hard-wired to have sexual relations with multiple partners
7. It opens your mind, and develops your sexuality
and, on the lighter side,
8. The sheer enjoyment of it all. It’s such fun
First time swinging
Is it your first time swinging? If so, don’t worry – there are no definite ways to start but we have enjoyed gathering stories from everyone we have met. Here are the main reasons…
How do people start swinging ?
There are no hard and fast rules, however you want to start – do it in a way that’s comfortable for you. Going to a club to get in the mood, watching porn, talking with friends, whatever takes your fancy.
In all our experiences, it seems that quite often the woman becomes a little bi – curious. It feels safe to explore this fantasy whilst you have an already strong partnership with a man. Not many men say no to this exploration !
Swinging with friends
Some couples find that long term friendships with another couple lead to something a little stronger where all four are happy to get more tactile.
Realise a fantasy
Some relationships like to have another man involved – purely for physically sexual dates, or maybe to enact a fantasy.
Some couples are only comfortable with another couple very similar to them, and some couples are looking for something completely different ! Some are just looking for fun and want to explore sexually with someone as a one off , if and when there is a mental frisson, or a physical attraction. Whereas others are looking for a longer term relationship where they will see the same couple multiple times.
How to become swingers ?
So, what floats your boat? We’ll relay true swinger stories we have all come across in the wonderful world of swinging here. (on its way soon…). Meanwhile, do check out the specific blog post on How to Start Swinging.
How to get started in swinging
Talk to each other about it. Set the boundaries, i.e. your swinging rules.
Do your research, join a community, go to a party.
Take baby steps !
Then the rest is practice till perfect 🙂
Types of swingers
For couples, there are so many options. An extra woman (single women), an extra man ( single men), another couple, 2 other couples, a thrilling one night stand / single experience, finding friends with benefits, even developing polyamorous relationships. All these are possible. We have written a blog post about Swinging as a Couple. If you are a couple tempted to sign up to SDC ( Swingers Dating Community, also known as Seek, Discover, Connect) – do it under our promo code here. If you then like what you see, and sign up fully, we will be notified and we are happy to have a look at your pictures and profile and give some feedback. We would recommend doing a minimum 3 month trial to give it a fair go.
How to get the most out of swinging as a single man
Single men on the other hand, are sometimes invited, but mostly not – and sometimes for good reason. Men in the right place at the right time, and presented in the right way, are a real asset to the swinging world. The main issue is that there are so many men wanting to play, and mostly they are presenting themselves and behaving in a way that neither women nor couples like. Not all couples want to have a single man play with them – they could be tempted – but often single men can be seen as only predatory ! Click over to our main post on the subject of Swinging as a Single Man, and we definitely will be writing more. If you are a single man wanting to join the party, why not sign up to SDC under our promo code here. We have written a 6 stage guide to writing the perfect profile and tips for single men.If you like SDC and sign up fully, we will be notified and can have a look at your pictures and profile and we are happy give some feedback that we hope will help give everyone pleasure!
What’s a unicorn ?
Single women in the swinging world are actually quite rare, so much so that they are known as a UNICORN! A lot of couples want to add an extra woman into their relationship. Single women are usually so open and confident, a breath of fresh air ! So they are made to feel so welcome by everyone, whether they want to swing with them or not.
…so which swingers community is right for me ?
You will find each country has it’s own swinger’s community website ( or more than one even ). These don’t tend to be known outside that country. The more well known ones are Fabswingers (UK) , Joyclub (German) , Swinglifestyle ( America) and Spicymatch (seems pan European), SDC ( owned by the Dutch, but very international, UK and U.S. popular, and pan European too. You will find it well known and in every major country ). It’s good to look into SDC vs Fabswingers vs SpicyMatch… so we did that for you in a separate post.
You will find a lot of people may be on their own domestic site, perhaps as a free member, but also on the more international SDC site.
Be aware of membership numbers. The number of member on free sites is huge but not always worth it, certainly not on its own. Membership numbers of smaller paid sites can also be misleading as they don’t take the member off when they stop paying ! It’s about quality over quantity, and you have to find the one that suits you best. Believe us, we’ve done the groundwork and would encourage you to trial the most international swinger’s website, and our favourite, SDC.com
SDC allows you to become a trial member through us for 20 days for free, and you will have access to 95% of the site during that time. There are pages and pages of information, blogs, and millions of profiles so that you can contact people. We have written a blog post on membership, and another in depth guide here. If you join using one of our links, we get notified when you move on from the trial and take up a full membership (after your free 20 days through us) so we can happily take a look at your profile after that and offer any more tips & advice if you need it. We don´t usually see trial members so we can´t help until you sign up fully – sorry ! We’ve living proof it works.
Swinging concerns – true or false.
You’ll discover that communication and overwhelming sense of togetherness makes swinging work.
That’s why these following concerns that you might hear are actually only myths that could be created by people that don’t actually understand the reality within the swinging world.
Quite the contrary ! To be a great swinger , you have to have a bgreat marriage. It doesn’t work if you don’t. The better your relationship, the better the swinging. The worse your relationship is to start with, the worse it will get with swinging. So beware, this isn’t a place to fix marriages. If you have problems, fix them first, then you can take your marriage to new heights within the swinging world.
If you’re not confident, you might worry that you’ll lose your partner to someone else. But everyone already has a partner they’re happy with – just like you do.You might like to have sex with someone else (because it’s different to your partner’s sex ) but that’s as far as it goes. Well, you often learn some new tricks to bring back to your own bedroom too !
Also remember that what you’re giving each other is the gift of exploring sex and developing, together. It will only work if you both agree each step of the way. Lowest common denominator wins. So if one of you is not comfortable with a situation, you both have to leave it.
Well, it is possible of course and actually it’s bound to happen that someone takes their secretary or mistress rather than their wife. It’s often easy to spot, or they might actually declare it. Then it’s up to you to decide if you want to interact with them or not. Most serious swingers want to know other couples that have a good long-term relationship – it’s certainly vital for all of us !
Sex mad, anyone will do
People think that’s all swinging is about. Sex, sex and more sex. Put your keys in a bowl and take out any other. No, no, no, no no. Like anything though, it’s not that easy to begin with so know your boundaries, agree them with each other before you meet anyone, and remember it’s always ok to say no.
Some are in it for the physicality of sex, but most people also need a chemistry to be there for incredible sex. If you are two couples getting together, there has to be a four way chemistry for it to work well. You can imagine how hard that can be to find ! So it’s not the sex fest everyone imagines 24/7 !
A lot of people also don’t swing all the time, its not a weekly hobby. You will find people start and stop, especially at the beginning. So the main thing is not to have any expectations, even about sex, and you’ll be fine.
Let’s be honest, men do tend to get this journey started, but often, it’s only to satisfy their partner’s needs. For a man, that’s also so sexy to give, and watch your partner explore and grow in confidence. What a gift to receive ! For some reason, men are often the ‘secretary’ organising things too, leaving the girls stress free. If you (rarely) witness a couple where it doesn’t feel like an equal relationship, you’ll usually see them alone – they don’t anywhere in this world. How a man treats a woman is paramount in this business. Women definitely call the shots, and men just love that confidence !
Posh parties in mansions definitely exist, but that’s not the norm. You would be amazed to know the extraordinary ordinary people all around your local neighbourhood are actually the ones living out this real world fantasy. From private meetings to dinner invites and private parties. Being in the right online community will help you find the best groups of people to be with, and get you invitations to right private parties for you. As well, of course, as seeing the best fantasy parties open to everyone.
It’s true that swingers tend to take care of themselves and their bodies more than most. However we mean in a hygienic way. You will find some beautiful bodies of course, but personality and character are what wins the day for most people. In all our experience, and you’ll find it’s a common thread in the swinger world, that size, shape, and beauty that only goes skin deep doesn’t tend to please for long in the bedroom.
What’s swinging really like ?
You will have a better relationship, simply because of better communication.
In swinging you have to communicate well to make it work. Because of this alone, I would say that all of us behind this blog are more in love than ever !
You get to be yourself.
People will understand you and not judge. You get to be yourself, so life is lived in a lighter way, and you get to have much more fun too.
You’ll make great friends.
Not everyone wants or needs new friends, but you will end up finding the best ones here if you do want that. Given that you’ve been intimate with each other makes for a very easy social times too. There are no boundaries in a social get together and being tactile and loving to everyone flows easily, making for wonderful, open and non-judgemental friendships.
Your grow and develop better, together
You’ll probably make some mistakes, we’re all human, but the idea is to stick together and quickly fix these, learn, and grow from it. We only have one life, so follow the same guidelines to communicate – openly and always, and everything will always be ok.
Swinging increases your sexual confidence.
Allow yourself to explore, be adored, and played with and you’ll grow in confidence. Persevere and you’ll perhaps undo a lifetime of restriction and finally get to find the real joyful you inside. Be as open as you can imagine, and see how that works out. The rewards can be pleasantly surprising !
You’ll have an overwhelming sense of belonging – to a great community.
Have a look at the “how you know you’re a swinger” blog to see how that pans out !
The swinging blog
SDC & SpicyMatch are the best alternatives to Fabswingers. These websites are the best 3 swinging sites online. Discover all the pros & cons. Detailed comparison of each alternative – we’re members of them all !
If you are new to swinging, please see our post on How To Start Swinging. There is no doubt that swinging couples are very common – a 2005 survey in the UK found that 25% of the population were either swinging in the UK or wanted to swing.
2. Set the boundaries / rules
3. Do your research
4. Start with baby steps !
5. Go to a club or party
There is no doubt that there is a role for single men to play in this world and some couples actively seek out the participation of the single guy in their playtime
Swinging is generally thought of as enjoying a sexual relationship with other people as well as with your long term partner. This is always done with the full consent and knowledge of your partner.
Whether we like it or not, swinging is an image based hobby. Which swinger images should you post? There are some GOLDEN RULES that generally apply to both couples and singles.
As a swinger, there are many types of swingers parties that you can attend and these range from private meetings with one other couple up to a themed ball in a castle with hundreds of people !
A list of swingers clubs in the UK, Europe, the USA with descriptions. All the famous clubs including Le Boudoir, Fun4Two, Les Chandelles, and the KitKat club.
So many new words and so many acronyms – we can help you to make sense of the secret language of swingers.
Swinging comedy 100 ways to know if you’re a swinger ! 100 ways to know if you're a swinger ! This list has been doing the rounds on the internet for ages - we saw it on SDC recently. Wish we knew who to credit for it! These little swinger tell tale stories do bring a...
A guide to using the SDC swinging website when you are travelling. Use SDC.com to post your travel plans and also to see who else will be there at the same time.
So, single men, how can you outshine the competition and get the woman of your dreams? The ladies got together to let you know !