Swinging as a single man
How to succeed
Why single MAN, not single woman ?
Why… simply due to supply and demand. There are literally millions of single men looking to join the party and very few single women looking to join in.
The swinger women are so rare that they are described as ´unicorns´ in the swinging world – they are about as common and as easy to find as a real-world unicorn !
We have written this post from the point of view of a couple like all of us on the team here, about how a single man can succeed in joining the couples world of swinging. From the point of view of one couple looking for you, one not, and one undecided !
What role does the single man play in swinging ?
Generally, a single man is not regarded as a ‘swinger’ because there is no ‘exchanging’ of partners taking place. But don’t be put off, if you are a single man reading this ! There is no doubt that there is a role for you to play in this world. Many couples, and single women unicorns, actively seek out the participation of the single guy in their playtime.
An obvious example where we ladies like to have a bit of MFM is because many men are finished after they climax, yet the woman is raring to continue – so having more men than women helps to balance out the desires and needs.
A single men can also fulfil the fantasies of the women – whether it is as a dominant male, having two guys at the same time, etc.
( Ah fantasies – we must write more about those too ! )
All that doesn’t mean it is easy to make it in this world as a single man. There are so many single men wanting to play with swinger couples, but their reputation is desperately bad. And, at the same time a swinging couple’s expectations are high !
So, here’ s the reality check
– about single men at swinger parties or clubs –
For most couples, parties are split into either couples only parties, or couples and single guy parties – and many couples just avoid the nights where single guys are allowed. This is because of the way that single guys seem to turn into ´shark´ mode and are desperate to muscle in and spoil a hot and sexy moment.
We have heard of single men pushing other men off a bed to get to a woman, of single men just jumping into the action without being asked or invited, of single men just sending 4 word emails to couples expressing their need to have the woman, etc. For 99% of couples, this is the reason they avoid single guys like the plague.
– and about single men on swinger website communities –
On website communities, single men are usually just as much of a pain. Being too aggressive with their words, pictures, or approach. Yet they have more time to take care and get it right online ! Its all too easy for the ladies to be put off and then just block all single men
But hey why should we all miss out. Perhaps it’s the successful single guys that should be called the unicorn as it’s harder to find them. We know there are some gorgeous, well mannered and respectful guys out there so here’s our chance to try to help you – you single guys that really want to succeed where most fail !
How to be a successful single man online
It is vital for a single man to stand out from the crowd if he is to enjoy the swinging world & here are some tips & advice that we have come across for ourselves and also from chatting to many other couples.
Is it simply a numbers game ?
YES – but not in the way you think !
You need to get into the minority group that are more trusted, and stay away from the usual crowd, the main majority group of single men out there.
As you know, real swinging is generally dominated by couples, and a quick look at SDC shows you that. There are probably three times as many couples as there are single men on the site. (This is only the numbers actually on the site – if you look at how many meetings actually involve a single man then it is probably closer to one in twenty, or even less). Believe it or not though, meetings are much more likely to happen on this site.
Swinger websites like Fabswingers have a majority single men belonging to that community – so why would you go there? It’s full of other single men competing with you and that is the biggest turn off for us women. We love the elusive male more ! Since when did a woman just want to be picked over . Mostly she wants to be charmed as much as she would in a normal single dating scene.
So, after all these moans & complaints, and a little experience, get yourself signed up fully and then have a read about what we have found out for you so that you can succeed where so many others fail.
Now here’s how to be the best man, and rise above the rest !
1. Pick the right swinging websites
Yes, it’s about being in the right company. Seems obvious doesn’t it. You wouldn’t go to an almost all male club looking for some sex with a swinging woman would you ? Well, online it’s the same. Fabswingers.com is tempting because it has a huge database of members because it is free to join – it dwarfs all other websites. So all the men join it. But around 90% of the people on it are single men. For example, if we look at the nearest 30 people geographically to us at this moment, 27 are men !
So give yourself a fighting chance.
SDC, has far more couples than it has single men and so there is far less competition. SpicyMatch is also similar to SDC, so if you join a site as a single guy, look at the ratios and give yourself the best chance to stand out.
So, to summarise, if you are a single man, the competition is better to deal with on SDC or Spicymatch, than on Fab Swingers (Fabswingers is dominated by single men, with many more men than there are couples to start with on that site).
2. Write a great dating profile to set you up for success
In your description show that you are wanting to give just as much as you want to receive – remember that couples will get lots of emails from single guys and if you show that you are considerate and understanding of the couple then you will certainly stand out from the ´ I want to f*** your Mrs´ brigade.
Write enough to stand out. A single line ´copy & paste´ email is only going to suggest that you have sent it to 100 couples, whereas an email that mentions things in their profile or things that you liked about their pictures, etc shows that you have taken the time to look & write personally.
If you are looking to have threesomes with a couple, be honest about your sexuality – if you are bi or bi-curious then say so. It is far better to be honest up front & you will then be meeting the right couples for you – we all know that a hand can go astray during the heat of battle, but an unwelcome and intentional hand straying can stop an evening abruptly.
3. Create swinger profile pictures to make you stand out
We all know that, as a single guy, you have a dick ! So having a profile with 23 pictures of it is not really going to get you very far. Yes it´s nice to see it can get hard, and yes it´s nice to see if it is big (not always that important if you talk to the ladies who would prefer you knew how to use it, whatever size it is), but it’s not the only thing that matters. The blogs on SDC discuss this a lot and many women would far rather know about you as a person than know everything about your dick. It’s good fore-play for a woman, and she would prefer to discover what your dick can do for herself – or what she can do for your dick – without knowing it’s been done with many before her !
It´s harder as a single man, but posting lots of pictures of you with single women is also not going to endear you to couples. Some single men even have a picture of a woman as their profile picture – no idea why.
Treat yourself ! Show yourself off in some sexy alluring gear, rather than just naked. Don’t forget too that photos that show you dressed casually, doing an activity or sport, sailing your boat, driving your car, on your holidays, etc. will all allow a couple to start to understand your character and to see if it appeals to them.
Believe it or not, women like to see how you stand, how you smile, your hands, skin, how you dress. So they like to imagine being with you and the pictures tell them if you are their cup of tea ( or the opposite which can also appeal ). Confident, relaxed, well dressed men will always appeal and are going to get you much further than a selfie picture of your junk !
4. Now get yourself set up to contact swinger couples online
The first and best piece of advice, most honestly, is to show your commitment. Like most good things in life, you get out what you put in ! So go for it , and when the urge takes you, or when you see a good deal, sign up as a fully paid member so that you can be a bigger fish in a smaller sea. Most single men will be on free trials, the ones that get noticed will be fully paid members so use the trial properly and when you’re ready, do sign up. You will get access to many many more swinger couples because the more experienced swingers can block free members. So jump straight in and show how much you understand this world.
Once in, try to understand it a little also what swinging is like from a couples point of view. Look at it from their side too – what do you think they would like to receive from you. A couple looking for a dominant bull will be looking for masses of confidence, possible even arrogance, etc. But a sweet & gentle couple possibly looking for a single guy will be looking for a caring & well behaved gentleman. Be yourself, but make sure that it is about what they want, not all about what you want.
The first and most important thing is to READ THEIR PROFILE carefully on SDC. If they say they do not want single men, you writing to them is a waste of your time & will only strengthen a couples resolve against single guys. If somebody wants a man aged 20-30 and gym fit but you are 59 and decidedly un-gym fit then save the time of everybody and don´t bother. When you do find a profile that is looking for a single guy, read it carefully & read it again & try to get under the skin of the couple.
Don´t ignore the male half of the couple – this isn´t just about you having his partner. The man is just as important as the woman and you can be sure that he is vetting you just as much as she is, & either of them has the power to veto the fun if they are not happy. So involve them both, write to them both, and engage with them both. You also need to find out how they see the meeting going – does he just want to watch, do they want all three to play, etc.
Be yourself when you contact another profile. Being honest, genuine and individual is refreshing so you will be more successful, for the right reasons. Why? Because you are being you, and not just any single guy only talking about sex – so that will make the connection easier. If being you isn’t a match then fair enough – take it on the chin. There are plenty of fish in the swinger scene – so once you know how to connect with them all – enjoy the swim and go make some great memories !
We hope this helps, and feel free to leave any comments or questions below and we’ll do everything we can to help.
Hope to see you in the lifestyle !
How to meet swinger couples in clubs or swinging parties
Go to the clubs for sure, but try to find out which ones have better ratios of single guys to couples. We have all visited clubs that have had 30 single guys and one or two couples and it is not a nice environment to be in as a couple. Clubs often charge more for single men to attend but that does help to thin out the numbers, and some clubs limit the number of guys – so they might say a ratio of one single guy for each 10 couples.
Best swinger club nights for single men.
Some have club nights specifically advertising them as with or without single guys. The ones with fewer single guys will give a much better chance for you to stand out & not be part of an overwhelming pack of unwanted single guys. The specific nights for single guys will also be good to attend as there will be couples there specifically looking for a single guy swinger. You still need to stand out though !
How to be noticed.
The best way to actually contact couples at a party or a club is is actually – to say hello to them ! It doesn’t need cheesy chat-up lines, or amazing wit. If you have caught a couples eye across the bar then a simple hello or a smile can get you started, and certainly if they are interested in you, they will either come over or ask you to come over.
The least successful method seems to be to lurk & skulk in the shadows and hope something will happen. Just like single guys, most couples are shy and too embarrassed to initiate anything so a simple hello from you will break the ice – just be aware of moving on if you misread the signals.
Swinger parties – how gentlemen get invited back !
The ladies can find it hard to say no to attention from single guys acting like real gentlemen, because it’s as unexpected and unusual as the unicorn itself. So, if you can have that reputation, you can get invited again and again to these great swingers parties. We have been to a party like this, with about fifteen couples and 3 lovely ‘gentlemen’. They had great conversations, they were respectful, they were interested in both people in a couple, & they were a real asset to the party. This is what couples are looking for in a single guy & if more single guys were like these three, then there would be far more couples that do not block single guys from contacting them.
Finally, here’s some general dos and don’ts that are worth remembering.
Please Do these
- Do follow the rules in of a community or in a club. If it says don’t enter a couples area – you won’t get anywhere except thrown out !
- Be a paid-up member of a community, not a free member – it will get you a lot further if you show you are seriously signed up.
- Do be polite and respectful. Engage and be charming. Manners will get you a long way – didn’t your mom tell you that !
- Do leave your expectations at the door – whether that be in a club or in a community. Just be easy, explore, and enjoy what comes your way.
- Do include her partner ( the other man! ) in any communication or connection. This is the most important rule.
Please Don’t Do these !
- Don’t stare too long if in a club, or don’t be pushy in a community. If a lady is interested she will for sure let you know. Smile if in a club, or through your profile pictures – but not in an intrusive, in your face way.
- Don’t ever grope without permission – she’ll run a mile and never return.
- Don’t invade her space – getting too close will just make us ladies get protective and retreat to our safe space with our no. 1 man.
- Don’t expect everyone to be there to have sex just with you. Some people are there just to be in a sexy atmosphere and then have their own sex.
- Don’t get drunk – nothing is going to work well for you in that state – know what we mean !
The swinging blog
SDC & SpicyMatch are the best alternatives to Fabswingers. These websites are the best 3 swinging sites online. Discover all the pros & cons. Detailed comparison of each alternative – we’re members of them all !
If you are new to swinging, please see our post on How To Start Swinging. There is no doubt that swinging couples are very common – a 2005 survey in the UK found that 25% of the population were either swinging in the UK or wanted to swing.
2. Set the boundaries / rules
3. Do your research
4. Start with baby steps !
5. Go to a club or party
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