9 Surprising things that make women want you !
(written by Sarah, Anna, & Zoe, just for you, single men)
What turns up the heat, in a woman’s world ?
You might all be thinking that we women are just looking for the suave James Bond type casually lurking in the shadows, or the muscly mechanic wiping off his magical hands as he bursts onto the scene, or something like this guy featured here. We know that’s not going to happen soon, and if it does we would be a bit suspicious too, am I right ladies ? Ah, we dream, but we know we want even more than looks and muscles ! And deep down we are realists.
We’re a moving target, we know, so how on earth do you poor chaps know how to please us ? You’ll be surprised to know that, underneath all the more obvious differences and preferences we have as ladies, we do have a few things that we agree really turn us on !
So read on, and keep an eye out for the lady that can’t help staring, smirking, or sidling closer – when she begins to recognise you doing these 9 little things.
If you get the first one right, you’re in ! If you get the last one wrong, you’re out !
What will turn her off, turn her on ?
There are so many single guys lurking around the swinging world that the ladies will automatically be looking the other way so that they don’t draw any unwanted attention. We do see you all however, so how do you make sure you get noticed, and connect ?
Slapping on the aftershave might draw attention, but it won’t cover everything up!
Firstly, we do notice how you’re all dressed up. Yes, in just a few seconds. It´s cruel I know, but we sum up how much effort you’ve made – to be clean, healthy and well groomed. Even if you’re wearing a simple white t-shirt, make it clean, and fitted. It’s such a turn on to see a man that’s obviously given some thought to his physique, and actually prepares for a night out. A turn off is any grubbiness or B.O. !
Now, once you’re ready. Don’t forget it’s the extra little things make the biggest difference.
How to appeal to a woman’s subconscious ?
Well, we women would just love it if only you would remember to do these 9 little things.
We women love it when you
- Make us feel comfortable
- Smile, especially with your eyes x
- Compliment us, genuinely
- Show your appreciation
- know how to read our signs
- Know how and where to touch us – gently
- Listen !
- Show that you can love more than yourself
- Tidy up !
9 ways to connect with a woman’s emotional side
1. Make them feel comfortable
Now this could be an easy one. Simply making sure she is comfortable physically – offer a chair, a cushion. Move the chair to a better position for her. Carry something for her.
On an emotional level, make sure the conversation, or the action, suits her. Mirror her position a little to try to connect.
If she changes position, you might be in trouble. If her head or shoulders are facing away you can draw her back with good conversation or a little touch. If her whole half body is facing away, that’s not good. ( If she completely turns away from you – we’d say your time’s up mate ! )
2. Just smile
It has been proven that smiling scientifically relaxes you and creates that wonderful feel-good feeling. Your brain releases dopamine, endorphins and serotonin apparently, when it senses you smiling. Better still, if you smile the world around you smiles too ! So don’t be afraid to smile when you make eye contact, and see if you get a smile back.
– with your eyes
Eye contact can be a real treat. Some say it’s how you can tell someone is a swinger ! Perhaps what they mean, is that most swingers feel comfortable enough in their own skin to just go all out there and show their appreciation of another person – without caring about being judged.
Swingers are also up for more momentary fun, so just go for it ! We all think that fortune favours the brave, but of course you have to be prepared for rejection too.
Don’t ever push it if a lady turns away, or shows she isn’t interested in some way. Acting graciously can even be known to turn the lady back in your favour – who knew ! ( Oh, and if you do connect, then watch out for no. 5 as you can’t light a fire without knowing how to control it.)
3. Compliment them, genuinely, and without a qualifier
Speaking of being gracious – don’t be afraid to admit when you are wrong. Saying “yes, you’re right” to her without qualifying your own case will definitely score you points! Yes, don’t be defensive and make it all about you. Concede when she knows more than you.
Know when to move on, or how to distract when the conversation could be embarrassing for either of you.
Good communication and conversation are such an immediate turn on, and if you get it right, she will ensure you get to stay around for a while.
4. Show your appreciation
We don’t mean you have to say thanks for noticing her – or thanks for the sex – that’s a tricky one to get right. But appreciating a lady right from the get-go is important.
Notice what she is wearing ( not the effort we’ve has made in getting ready ! ) Notice how she behaves, her scent, and in particular her sexiness !
You can even show appreciation for other things or people ( we’ll will fall at your feet to hear that ! )
Be respectful to everyone around you, your friends, her partner, the bar and waiting staff too. Women’s maternal instinct kicks in when they see someone being treated unfairly.
So show kindness to the waitress, not in a flirty way of course. Buy that rose from the visiting trader and give it to her ! That will surprise, and delight, and show that you can connect and respect where it´s due.
Remember, you’re in the swingers world, so you can even appreciate her husband / partner – yes you can thank him for sharing ( we love that ! ) See how he pleases her and appreciate that, so don’t try to compete too hard with him. Be a great addition, not a replacement. Remember she is not looking for a new partner per se.
5. Can read each other’s signs
A woman is checking that out before she even sees your face, or hears you speak. So be careful with your own body language too.
If you like someone, make sure your heart, chest and shoulders are opened toward her. Crossing arms might mean boredom, frustration or even anger. By the way don’t hide those hands either.
A woman wants to see what could be caressing her, so keep them visible and ready to use ! She will reflect your body language, so keep your focus on her – if you turn and look away, so too will her attention.
6. Know how and where to touch them
This is one for when you’ve read the signs and know them well enough to touch – then physical turn ons will take you to the next level.
Get yourself into a position where you will be touching the small of her back to guide, hold or caress. You will know if she likes it when she stays put, or moves even closer.
Whispering something fun in her ear could take it to the next level and of course helps draw her in ! ( Wherever we have nerve endings, make your way there gentlemen. )
The back of the neck also works wonders – and this could be saved for later !
The final step – if you dare, could be closer to her face – brushing back her hair if its falling over her eyes, or gently taking an eyelash off her cheek – now that’s close ! ( So if you’ve made it this far, smile, we’d say you’ve made it ! )
7. Listen to them
Give her a chance to express herself. If you ask a question, let her give her full answer. Oh, and try not to finish her sentences. Please respond back too ( that’s what we call having good conversation and we just love it.)
Turning your attention somewhere else when a lady is answering a question that you asked is a death sentence !
We once watched a conversation in a group of swingers. An overly confident alpha male in search of some good information, asked a question and one lady had all the perfect answers and was delighted to help. One sentence in and the guy had turned his head away. We noticed the lady observe that and fade her answer out. This happened a second time, and she cut her reply mid-sentence, probably realising that actually he wasn’t interested in anything other than himself ! Third time he asked a question, not only did she literally turn her back on him, but the rest of the group were subliminally no longer seeing him either.
8. Show that you can love more than yourself
We all know how appealing it is to see a single man interacting and entertaining the little ones (and holding a baby makes us go absolutely gaga.) Caring for the vulnerable, the young, the very old, the less able, downtrodden or society’s outcasts can be really appealing. Looking after the planet is downright sexy !
But let´s be honest here, we’re not bringing children into the swinging scene right ! So that leaves animals, and the planet.
How many of you men have made friends while walking a dog in the park – and I bet they were all women ! Women are instantly attracted to men that care for, and have a good relationship with animals. Why does it make them swoon ? Because it shows your sensitive nature, and, it means you are capable of caring about something other than your own ego.
9. Tidy up
Well we all like to see a man in an apron, but that´s not really what we mean here. Remember, women in the swinging scene are not looking for a life partner, so you won’t have to do the hoovering !
It’s about being neat and tidy before, and after sex – because the middle bit may not be tidy at all ! So, yes a little bed making would just give you jaw dropping bonus points, but the main point here is about condoms.
Always be the first to suggest using it, and reach for it with her permission. and for goodness sake, don’t leave any lying around for her to tidy up afterwards. Just count them in, and count them out. ( Otherwise count yourself out because there won’t be a next time ! )
How to connect with women online ?
There are even more single guys lurking around the online swinging world, and so many of them don’t bother to make an effort.
The vast majority come across as downright rude or conceited as all you have to go on are the profile words and pictures. So the only way we ladies can automatically look the other way, is to make sure you don’t get to see us at all !
On the swinger websites like SDC we can simply block single men altogether, but we’re only punishing ourselves right ? It’s common knowledge that the majority of free members on these sites are single men, so what we can do instead is hide or block all trial members.
But that doesn’t seem fair either, does it ? So, you can apply 3 of the above tips here too.
1. Make us feel comfortable
2. Show your appreciation
3. Know how to read the signs
To be honest, it is really couples that are on as free members that swingers worry more about. A couple has a lot more hoops to jump through to get comfortable in the swinger world, and not everyone is ready to take the ride with them. Also, anyone could sign up for free – swinger or not – so trial members get blocked for that reason alone.
We serious swingers need to be sure you are in the lifestyle seriously too, and signing up with a small payment for at least 3 months helps boost our confidence in you.
Single men, we’re on your side, we ladies at metimeyoutime, because we really do want to improve the single men reputation out there. We’ll all benefit for sure. We want you to feel comfortable so we created a guide to help you get the most out of the trial period of SDC. So, when you’re ready, make us feel comfortable too, and sign up fully. When you do, just let us know and we’ll check out your profile if you like and offer any comments we see as swinging women.
Subscribing even 1 month might do the trick short term, we’re sure it’ll be worth it – with our code you might even get offered to double that time for free ! For example, a one month subscription could get you two months, 3 months would get you 6 – just look out for the prompt when you take the free trial. Then, the longer you sign up for, the better value it will be financially, and the more time and confidence it will give us all.
The swinging blog
SDC & SpicyMatch are the best alternatives to Fabswingers. These websites are the best 3 swinging sites online. Discover all the pros & cons. Detailed comparison of each alternative – we’re members of them all !
If you are new to swinging, please see our post on How To Start Swinging. There is no doubt that swinging couples are very common – a 2005 survey in the UK found that 25% of the population were either swinging in the UK or wanted to swing.
2. Set the boundaries / rules
3. Do your research
4. Start with baby steps !
5. Go to a club or party
There is no doubt that there is a role for single men to play in this world and some couples actively seek out the participation of the single guy in their playtime
Swinging is generally thought of as enjoying a sexual relationship with other people as well as with your long term partner. This is always done with the full consent and knowledge of your partner.
Whether we like it or not, swinging is an image based hobby. Which swinger images should you post? There are some GOLDEN RULES that generally apply to both couples and singles.
As a swinger, there are many types of swingers parties that you can attend and these range from private meetings with one other couple up to a themed ball in a castle with hundreds of people !
A list of swingers clubs in the UK, Europe, the USA with descriptions. All the famous clubs including Le Boudoir, Fun4Two, Les Chandelles, and the KitKat club.
So many new words and so many acronyms – we can help you to make sense of the secret language of swingers.
Swinging comedy 100 ways to know if you’re a swinger ! 100 ways to know if you're a swinger ! This list has been doing the rounds on the internet for ages - we saw it on SDC recently. Wish we knew who to credit for it! These little swinger tell tale stories do bring a...
A guide to using the SDC swinging website when you are travelling. Use SDC.com to post your travel plans and also to see who else will be there at the same time.